Farewell Cristina: Female Friendship and Non-Traditional Soul Mates on "Grey's Anatomy"

I have to admit that I’ve been stressed lately. May Sweeps always makes me anxious and this year is no different. As I wait to learn the fates of my favorite shows, characters, and relationships, this year a particular story’s end is on my mind: Meredith and Cristina, whose relationship is practically synonymous with Grey’s Anatomy.

I have long had an off-on relationship with Grey’s Anatomy, but the last two seasons Grey’s and I have been decidedly “on” so it is with much trepidation that I approach the end of Sandra Oh’s ten-year run as Cristina Yang tonight. One of my favorite parts of the show has always been the relationship between Cristina and Meredith, a beautiful representation of the complex nature of female friendship and something I like to call “non-traditional soul mates.”

For ten years Cristina Yang and Meredith Grey have been the definition of female friendship in pop culture. Their relationship is complex, layered, and emotional. Cristina is not the stock BFF character nor is Meredith the stock strong female protagonist. Each is endlessly complicated and neither falls prey to stereotypical writing thanks to the lovely and talented Shonda Rhimes. It’s refreshing to see when meaningful relationships between women are so often left out of the storytelling on popular shows, even shows with female protagonists. Haven’t you ever wondered why Olivia Pope doesn’t have any ladies to have a wine night with? What ever happened to Dr. Mindy Lahiri’s girlfriends? And just whom does Black Canary complain to about Oliver Queen’s behavior? Other shows suffer by providing female friendships but never fully exploring them like, often times, the relationship between Robin and Lily on How I Met Your Mother or between Mary and her ladies on Reign. These relationships are often put on the back burner to tell stories about love interests and scandals. As a woman, I always find this odd as the most important and significant relationships I have had have typically been with my female friends. I am just as interested in seeing representations of similar relationships on TV as I am in seeing any other kind of love story or friendship. Meredith and Cristina have not fallen prey to these traps. Their relationship with each other is just as important to them and the show as any other relationship they have had. This season particularly reinforced that idea with a long arc about a falling out between the two and it's consequences.

But Meredith and Cristina are more than just friends. They’re each other’s person. Chances are if you’re at all familiar with the lore of Grey’s Anatomy and, perhaps even if you aren’t, you know the importance of being someone’s person. Cristina first uses the phrase “You’re my person” in episode 1 of season 2. To Cristina and Meredith, your person is the person you can always count on, the one who will always be there for you. That is what they are to each other and they have proved it time and time again throughout the series. The phrase has taken on a life of it’s own, a way for a friend to tell another friend just how much they mean to each other and is often emblazoned on mugs, t-shirts, and other merchandise. It also means that sometimes the person you can’t live without isn’t your significant other; it’s your best friend. It’s what I referred to when I mentioned earlier the phrase “non-traditional soul mates” and it’s what I believe Cristina and Meredith are to each other. The idea is one that was first widely popularized by Sex and the City when Carrie Bradshaw mused that maybe our friends are our soul mates, after all. Meredith and Cristina have always seemed like the perfect example.

Given all that Meredith and Cristina represent, it is no surprise that many are saddened to see Cristina go. Meredith and Cristina do, after all, have the longest-lasting, most consistent, and most enduring, meaningful relationship on the show. It has struck a chord with viewers all over, especially between best friends and the on-screen end of such a relationship is already making waves without even airing yet. Tonight’s season finale is likely to be one of the most emotional episodes of Grey’s

Anatomy we’ve ever seen and that’s saying something. So cheers to you Cristina Yang. You’ve left an indelible mark on our hearts and we’ll miss you for everything you are.

The Olivia Pope Problem

As I sat watching the fast-paced and popular premiere of “Scandal,” a problem once again forced its way into my consciousness and it came in the form of Olivia Pope. Don’t get me wrong. I love Olivia. She’s a certified badass by anyone’s standards. The problem is that that bad-assery stops at the office door. As soon as Olivia leaves the professional realm, it seems her life falls apart. Her personal life is in shambles, to say nothing of a growing lack of agency on Olivia’s part. The most troubling aspect of this is that the “Olivia Pope problem” is more and more an archetype of modern television.

It seems that Olivia isn’t the only woman on our screens who is super-competent professionally but whose personal life is an absolute mess. A growing stereotype on our screens is that of the uber-professional woman who can’t seem to get the rest of her life in line. From Oliva Pope to Liz Lemon to Mindy Lahiri to Alicia Florrick, we continue to see the stories of women who are rather personally challenged. It’s a stark contrast to the long gone days of women like Mary Tyler Moore, who could be professionally competent and personally competent without lacking interesting stories to tell. Instead of stories like that glorious woman, Hollywood is increasingly feeding us stories of women like Olivia Pope and the message is clear: You can’t have it all. You can’t be professionally savvy and have a well-balanced life. It’s not allowed.

Clearly, that message is problematic. Women continue to be told that they can’t have it all. And why? Women who successfully balance work and life can still have interesting stories. I’m just as interested in Meredith Grey as I am in her more relationship challenged counterpart, Christina Yang. Just because Meredith has managed to be professionally and personally successful doesn’t mean she lacks interesting stories to share.

As a culture, we must stop acting like all women face an ultimatum: work or relationships. In fact, we can achieve balance, even if it’s difficult, and our lives and stories become no less interesting when we do manage that delicate balance. So stop with the “Olivia Pope problem,” Hollywood. Stop telling women that they can’t have it all. Stop telling women that they must be emotionally fractured to be interesting or successful. Stop. Just stop.